Another ones Story (Comments/Questions/Complains)

[VimoZ]

Well, as i posted. If u got any comments or complains (they actually help sometimes) about Another ones Story just post 'em here.
Ill gladly go back and edit misspelled words, so if u find or have already found any plz tell me.
I know the story is fast going, but i cant help that really. Another thing u have to think about is that Flora's mood and emotions got changed so she dont really act like in book two. Beside that: Its kinda hard making her exactly as Tom does.
And Tom... if u got any complains about how i make the story tell me (e.g. if it stands out TO much from your story).
Again, hope u liked it. ;D
/VimoZ

[VimoZ]

Hmm ok... I see no one is really posting here... so sry for double post. Just a guestion maybe... if anyone will even notice ive gotten it up.

Even if no one really reads the story, ill continue on it, i will change some parts and such in the end,or just start over . But at this point i want NIGHTMARES , cause he fell asleep in his wonderfull "pass out" way again. But i have no good idea or insperation of what that would be. One thing, the moon is the first thing making him pass out, so it could really involve something "moonish". Any sugestions?

[Raven]

I'll read it some time and then get back on you on that.

I got an Idee hepasses out becas of the moon so the nicht mare shude take place at nicht when there is a fule moon.
1. You can give him one of Flora's nichtmares that he resived by exsedently reading here mind.
2 about his father and how the Templars killd him same reason only the out of his mother's mind.
3 That the wore band gets atacked by the people the sity had send, read book tree if you forgot wat I mean.

Nice storry so far hope to read more soon.
Don't take this rong but you're better at richting then at drawing.

On a side note whitch country are you from?
I read you menchend you're not from englend ore america.

[VimoZ]

Hehe, first... no offence taken, i know i can write better than i draw, but well better trying than giving it up. I hope i get better soon, and most are sketches sence i dont have much time drawing.
Second, Im from swe ^^, another explonation why i haven't started drawing manga sooner, about 2 years ago, u almost never found manga in swe, ok u did, but i didn't and it was not very common.

And for the passing out thing, as i wrote the story, i wanted him to pass out when he consentrated on the moonlight the way he does when he reads people's emotions (not to be mistaken with reading their minds, he just guesses what they might be thinking so on, short, its not on the "READING" mind lvl ;D), even if he didn't know it (as the case with the raindrop reflekting the moonlight). So i dont think it entierly needed that its fullmoon, and it might seem to "werewolf" like.
And your sugestions were good, but the first one might be a little hard right now, cause I dont know what's happened to flora or what she has to do myself Tom havent reavaled that yet.
The second sugestion was the first thing comming up in my mind after i finished him passing out, its kinda good, but its just what the reader expects thats i asked on this post for anything else, with that one as a backup.
Your third sugestion was really good, didn't think about that ^^. So right now its between he 2th or 3th sugestion. Just a mere problem, the dream cant reveal to much about himself, and what his suppose for being there is, but ill fix that . Thx for the tip/help raven, i'll try to find time writing soon, hope read it then ^^.

[Raven]

The dream dosen't have to be fary detaild just mere words of coversationts and some details of the suroundings and what happens and let it happen more ofthen and evry thime it happens he remebers more.
And a fullmoon just gives an drametic effect, think about it.
You can do a lot of things whit the licht of the fullmoon.

On a site note

I live in Holland and here we haven't got any manga ore anime either.

[VimoZ]

k. Well when i think about it, and look at the sketch i drew, it is fullmoon ^^. And i wont do the dream detailed, and another solution is to "let him describe" the dream after he wakes up... u know "He tried to press forth the mere memories of his dream from back his head, he didn't recall much of it, just some bla bla bla bla". (remainds me, i do to long sentenses ;D, hope u guys live with that, i try to shorten them down).

Holland... hmmm think i drove thru holland this summer while getting home from france ^^. And got a "old friend from d2" from over there to...

Well as i said ill try to write some soon, today im to freaking tired... 3rd day in school, so its nothing serios studing yet, and that makes me pissed of and tired, thats how boring it is. (not to mention the gymnastic teacher i got, geez, he talked in slow motion, and then he figures there aint much time, so he presses us to hard.) Ill try to get things done atleast this weekend.

[Raven]

That was kinda what I mend just alitel of it and telling it is a good idee.
Glad I kuld help.

And school kan realy suck.
You're gym teasher sounds like my math teasher, He talks in slomotion and always gives to much home work.

[Raven]

You're story is really good and geting better.
Looks like I'm still the only one reading it.

[chibi]

Your story is great! I love it alot. Writing fanfiction like stuff probably is hard to do when the piece you are working on isn't completed yet. ;D I can't wait to see more.

[Raven]

A second reader.
Now you're readers groep is twise as big.

[VimoZ]

HELL YEAH!!!! ^^ thx chibi, means alot... and well, myself i dont like the grammar, its kinda hard sence i dont mention his name. Well now i have to go and read the rest of yours, i read some... seems really really good. thx again chibi, and ill try to do more soon.

And yeah raven ^^ i know hehe TWO FANS, WOOO!

Also... its kinda hard, cus... well i dont know how tom gonna do his story, and well i cant correct things if he does more on his story that changes mine, because its based on his... so i try to do things that isnt so independent on what he writes, which i really didn't plan before i wrote the story (plot)... so i need to plan more now, but im on it. Its really fun to write... so i wont give up^^

[Raven]

The prologe is really dark I like it a whole lot.
I can't waite till the next chapter.
But I have to.
I think you're whole story is great.
I'm defenitly a Fan. ;D

[VimoZ]

Well, hehe your already considered one, of two maybe.
The next chapter well... its unplanned, need to work on that... and besides... school is taking over my time again -.- But i can write between the lessons if i have enough time, or on the lunch (my schools lunch really, really is not good at all...).

And well, hehe it was a dark mood in the caffee i wrote it in, dark with smoke, a wierd (hmm half famous in swe) poet yelling wierd stuff and seeking inpiration in a playwood pirate ship O.o, then the mood, no one there is over 25, most students, and ofcause 77% of them metal fans, and the coffé is great^^